How to Talk to Your Partner About Sexual Difficulties (Without Making It Awkward)
Talking about sexual difficulties with your partner is something many people avoid — not because they don’t care, but because they care so much.
Fear of embarrassment, worry about hurting your partner, or concern about being misunderstood can all make it easier to stay silent. Unfortunately, silence often creates more distance than the sexual difficulty itself.
At Restorative Health Clinic, we see this every day and most of us have experienced this at some time in our private lives. So here is some tips to start the conversation.
Why This Conversation Is So Hard
Sexual difficulties such as erectile dysfunction, pain with sex, changes in desire, or performance concerns are incredibly common. Yet many people internalise them as a personal failure or worry that their partner will see them differently.
Common thoughts include:
“What if they think I’m no longer attracted to them?”
“What if this damages our relationship?”
“What if I don’t have the right words?”
What we know clinically is this: avoiding the conversation often increases anxiety, pressure, and emotional distance. Talking about it, even imperfectly, often brings relief.
Choose the Right Time
Timing matters.
Avoid starting this conversation:
In the bedroom
During sexual activity
Immediately after a difficult sexual experience
Instead, choose a calm moment when you’re both relaxed and not rushed. This conversation is often easier when you are side by side such as when driving in car together or going for a walk.
Start simple such as:
There’s something important I’d like to talk about is now a good time for you
Reassure Your Partner Early
One of the biggest fears partners have is wondering whether they are the problem.
Early reassurance can prevent misunderstandings and defensiveness. You might say something like:
“I care about you and our relationship — that’s why I want to talk about this.”
Speak From Your Own Experience
You don’t need medical language or a detailed explanation. Focus on how this has been affecting you.
For example:
“I’ve noticed some changes in my body that I’ve been struggling with.”
“I’ve been feeling worried and a bit embarrassed about what’s been happening sexually.”
“I’ve been avoiding intimacy at times because I didn’t know how to explain what’s going on.”
Using “I” statements helps keep the conversation open and non-blaming.
Name the Issue Gently
You don’t need to diagnose yourself or explain everything at once.
Simple, honest statements are enough:
“I’ve been having some trouble with erections.”
“Sex hasn’t been feeling the way it used to.”
“Something’s been off for me sexually, and it’s been affecting me and I am worried it is affecting you too.”
Invite Your Partner onto Your Team
Sexual difficulties are rarely a solo experience in a relationship. Let your partner know you want to face this together, without placing pressure on them.
You might say:
“I don’t expect you to fix this — I just want us to be on the same team.”
“I’m getting some help, and it would mean a lot to know you’re with me in this.”
Allow Space for Emotion
Your partner may feel surprised, emotional, relieved, or unsure what to say. All these reactions are normal.
You don’t need to solve everything in one conversation. It’s okay to pause and say:
“We don’t need to figure this out right now — I just want you to know how I feel and I would like to know your thoughts when you have had time to digest what I have said.”
If You’re Not Ready to Say Everything
It’s okay to start small.
You can be honest without sharing every detail:
“There’s something going on for me sexually. I don’t understand it fully yet, but I didn’t want to keep it from you.” “I am planning on / getting some help from a professional and will share this with you when I know more”
Sexual difficulties are common, medical, and in many cases treatable.
Starting the conversation doesn’t mean you have all the answers — it means you’re choosing honesty, connection, and support over silence.
For many couples, that first conversation is the moment things begin to improve.
Watch the Video
We’ve created a short video that walks through this conversation step by step, you can adapt to your own situation. Watch: How to Talk to Your Partner About Sexual Difficulties
(link to YouTube video here)
How We Can Help
At Restorative Health Clinic, our team works with individuals and couples navigating sexual health concerns every day — including erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, pain, changes in desire, and recovery after surgery or illness.
If you’d like support, guidance, or a safe space to talk things through, help is available.
